All Fall Down Read online

  He was silent for a long moment, obviously torn by worry and guilt. I wanted to lay a soothing hand on his arm, but I guessed he would spurn my offer of comfort. For someone who had suffered the way he had, a touch would only be cause for further torment. Instead, I only waited in agonized silence, wondering what on earth I would do if he refused to offer up the name of his abuser.

  But then he said, so softly I could barely catch the words, “It is Dorus.”

  Anger washed over me, so intense and sudden that I knew if the steward had suddenly appeared before me, I could have killed him with my bare hands, I who had sworn a vow to preserve life at all costs. As much as I wanted to give in to my rage, though, I knew I must remain calm at all costs.

  “It was very brave of you to tell me, Raifal,” I said, before the silence could grow too terrible. “Can you try to stay out of the steward’s way for a while so that I can go find Lord Shaine and speak with him?”

  He swallowed and then nodded. “Mostly he would come for me in the night, anyway. Merime needs me to fetch the meat for dinner from the smokehouse—that will keep me away for a while.”

  “Good,” I said, and pushed open the door to the pantry.

  Merime stood at the large scrubbed oak table in the center of the kitchen, chopping leeks, but I could see the avid curiosity in her light blue eyes.

  Ignoring her gaze, I said, “Run along to the smokehouse, Raifal.”

  The boy all but bolted from the kitchen, gratefully accepting the opportunity for flight I had given him.

  I turned to the cook. “Merime, do you know where I might find Lord Shaine?”

  She lifted her fat shoulders. “Am I his lordship’s keeper? At this hour—possibly riding the fields. Or he could be in his study.”

  It was little help, but I knew she was right. I had assumed she might know a little more of his movements simply because of her lengthy tenure in the household, but in truth Merime rarely ventured forth from her culinary domain. Dorus would most likely know where to find Lord Shaine, but of course the steward was the last man on earth with whom I wished to speak at the moment.

  If his lordship were in fact riding the fields, surveying as his slaves brought in the last of the flax harvest, then I was definitely out of luck. My exalted status had given me free run of the castle and its outbuildings, but I most certainly would not be allowed to take a horse from the stables, and given the estates’ vast acreage, I could walk from now until the end of the week and still not locate Lord Shaine.

  But he could be in his study, and it would not seem out of place for me to seek him there, especially since the chamber was located in the same tower as Auren’s room, and my own as well. I made my way across the great hall, noting as I did so an unusual bustle. Several slaves were in the process of mopping the stone floor, and the hangings had been taken down, presumably to be removed to the courtyard for a good beating. Obviously his lordship expected guests this evening. I was surprised Auren hadn’t said anything to me about having visitors, since she usually managed to keep me informed of the goings-on about the castle, but perhaps she was unaware of the impending festivities as well.

  I wondered uneasily whether this was the most appropriate time to be confronting Lord Shaine. Surely the news I had to impart would be most unwelcome. But I had promised Raifal I would do everything I could to help him, and better that I should see Lord Shaine now, while the hot anger still burning in my breast gave me the courage to bring up such an unpleasant topic.

  Never before had the steps up to the first landing where his lordship’s study was located seemed so short. I paused for a long moment outside the door, gathering my breath. Then I lifted my hand and knocked.

  A moment of waiting silence that seemed to go on forever, and at last I heard Lord Shaine’s voice from inside. He spoke in Selddish, of course, but even I could understand the simple command. “Enter.”

  No help for it, then—I had not been given the luxury of delay by his absence. I lifted the latch and entered the room, hoping that I didn’t look overly flustered.

  He seemed somewhat surprised to see me. The level brows lifted for a second, but he said evenly enough, in the common tongue, “Mistress Merys. Is there a problem with my daughter?”

  For a second I just stared back at him, and then I shook my head. Of course—what reason would I have to disturb him in his study, other than something to do with Auren?

  “No, my lord. She is well. I believe she is out enjoying a short walk through the herb garden with her maid.” These short excursions were something I encouraged, once I had determined the leg was healing well and that Auren would not be overtaxing the limb by walking on it. Now that the muscle had begun to knit itself together, it was important for her to keep it from atrophying.

  Lord Shaine laid aside the quill he had been holding and regarded me with a frown. “What is it, then?”

  Now that the moment had come, a horrible awkwardness seemed to take possession of me. Suddenly I felt as I had at my first “grown-up” dance, when I was taller than most of the boys by a head, and my feet had seemed huge. For some reason, I couldn’t decide what to do with my hands, so I let them hang by my sides, feeling as useless as the rest of me did.

  I cleared my throat. “My lord, I would not have disturbed you if this weren’t a matter of the gravest importance—”

  “Well, what is it?”

  Nothing in his face or manner indicated anything except an impatience to hear what I had to say and be done with it. I supposed I should be glad that he hadn’t simply ordered me out of his study once he realized my presence there had nothing to do with his daughter.

  “It’s about one of the servant boys—Raifal.”

  Lord Shaine’s face remained expressionless. I wondered whether he even knew Raifal by name. “Yes?”

  There being no easy way to say it, I decided to just give him the simple truths of the matter, not couched in euphemism or polite words that would soften the ugliness of the situation. “He’s being abused by your steward.” Somehow I could not bring myself to say Dorus’ name.

  The slightest tremor seemed to go through Lord Shaine’s frame, but if I had not been watching him carefully, I probably would not have even noticed it. When he spoke, the words came slowly, as if he considered each one with care before he uttered it. “That is quite an accusation. Why would you think such a thing?”

  “Because the boy told me so himself.” I waited for a response from Lord Shaine, got none, and pressed on. “My lord, I noticed the boy when I was down in the kitchen, attending to Merime. His arms are black and blue between the shoulder and the elbow. I spoke with him in private, and he finally confessed to me that it was your steward who had used him so—and worse.” I took a breath to collect myself; the previous words had tumbled out of me like a stream in spate. Then I added, “He also told me that Dorus threatened to kill him if he ever told anyone about the abuse.”

  He continued to watch me closely for a moment longer. Then he said, “You’re a brave woman, aren’t you, Mistress Merys?”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I don’t know how many of the other slaves would have had the courage to come to their master with this sort of information.”

  I flinched at the words “other slaves,” but I refused to let him upset me. If that was all he saw me as, regardless of the service I had provided for him and his daughter, so be it. “Perhaps none of the other slaves—” and I made sure I gave the words extra emphasis, even as I scowled at him— “has sworn an oath to protect others from harm. But I have. I could not let this go on, once I had learned of it.”

  Whatever else he was, Lord Shaine was not stupid. He gave me a sharp look, then said, “And what would you propose that I do about it?”

  “You should dismiss him. Immediately.”

  At that Lord Shaine gave a short, humorless laugh and stood, pushing his chair away from the desk with an abrupt, angry gesture. “You make it sound so simple.”

&nb
sp; “It is.”

  He took a step toward me, then another. Although I would have liked nothing better than to move away from him as he came closer, I stood my ground, lifting my chin as I did so. Whatever else, I would not let him see me cowed.

  Stopping a few feet away, Lord Shaine said, “Tell me, Mistress Merys, did you notice the preparations in the hall downstairs?”

  Wondering what he was driving at, I replied, “I did.”

  “It so happens that tonight three of the neighboring lords and their families are dining here. Families, I might add, that include sons who are of an age to marry my daughter. Do you see?”

  Indeed I did, and I began to comprehend his predicament. Probably he had not mentioned it to Auren because of her tendency to become over-excited by things. Although I knew little of managing a great house such as his, I did know that a steward was certainly necessary to coordinate such an important event. Still, as much trouble as it would cause, Dorus needed to go.

  “I understand, my lord. But do you not think that for one evening Merime and Ourrel might manage things between them?”

  Scowling, he replied, “And after that, what? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a competent steward? Dorus has been with my family for more than twenty years. And I’m supposed to dismiss him based on hearsay from two of my slaves?”

  “I am not your slave!” The words tore themselves from me before I even knew I was going to say them. Aghast, I looked away from him. What he would do in response to such effrontery I could only imagine. He would certainly be in his rights to strike me, or order me whipped for that kind of insolence.

  He did neither. Instead, he watched me narrowly, and asked, “Were you not sold in the markets of Myalme? Did my steward not bring you here as my property?”

  “I will admit that I was kidnapped from Aunde, in my homeland,” I retorted. “And money exchanged hands for my person. So by your barbaric laws, perhaps that makes me a slave. But I was not born a slave, and I still do not think of myself as one. I doubt I ever will.”

  “Think what you like,” he said. “But that doesn’t change your status here in Seldd.”

  “As you say, my lord.” Even as I said the words, I was surprised by my boldness. I had no idea why this streak of defiance had suddenly chosen to manifest itself, save that I suddenly realized how weary I was of knowing I was not free to leave this place whenever I chose, or that people such as Raifal and myself had no rights under Selddish law. It had been foolish for me to try to save him. There was nothing I could do for either of us.

  “And if I dismiss Dorus, what then?” Lord Shaine asked suddenly, startling me. “Would you offer to assist Merime and Ourrel? Do you know anything of how a great house is run?”

  I stared at him for moment, hardly comprehending what it was he had just suggested. Then I said, “I’m afraid I do not, my lord. But I am a quick learner.”

  “Why does that not surprise me?” He regarded me for a moment, and I found myself wondering exactly how it was he had broken his nose. Certainly if I had had the task of setting it, I would have done a much better job. But oddly enough, I found that I liked its off-center appearance. It gave his face a character I found interesting.

  “You won’t regret this, my lord,” I said then, for I could see the concern begin to creep over his features.

  “Oh, I think I will regret it a good deal, Merys.”

  It was the first time I had ever heard him call me by my given name without the title of “Mistress” preceding it. I decided to take the new informality as a good sign.

  “However,” he went on, “neither will I condone that sort of behavior in my house. There have been…rumors…over the years, but no one ever had the courage to accuse him directly.”

  “You knew?” I asked, feeling the anger begin to rise in me once again.

  “I said there were rumors. Nothing definite, nothing brought directly to my attention. I do nothing without good reason, Merys. That includes dismissing a long-time servitor without evidence or cause.”

  “But you will do it now,” I said, my tone firm, unquestioning.

  “But I will do it now.” He looked away from me then, as he watched the flames in the hearth leap for a space. “For some odd reason, I trust you. I don’t believe that you would have come to me with this if you hadn’t been certain.”

  “Oh, I was certain,” I said, and shivered a bit. Unfortunately, I had seen this sort of thing before, although the last time was at the household of a baron in my own kingdom, and the victim a girl barely twelve years old. The horror of that situation had compounded itself when the girl found herself pregnant and tried to get rid of the child herself. I had been able to keep her from bleeding to death, but I knew that she would never bear another child. Whether that was a blessing or not, I would never know. As soon as she was well, the girl had been sent on to another household, and the entire scandal hushed up. The situation had sickened me, as it would have anyone with the slightest sensibilities, but since the girl had been removed from her predator, there had been very little else I could do.

  But seeing it here once again, and with no chance of saving Raifal but ridding Lord Shaine’s household of Dorus, I had known what must be done. That Lord Shaine was man enough to remedy the situation without blaming the boy or even me for being the bearer of bad news spoke volumes about who he was, and he was raised in my estimation all the more for doing so.

  His keen eyes had apparently caught my shudder, for he asked, his tone gentler this time, “You have seen this sort of thing before?”

  “Yes, my lord. A girl of twelve. She conceived a child and tried to rid herself of it. She almost died.”

  “Thank the gods at least we did not have that to contend with here,” he said, and his tone sounded very weary. Then he went on, “It appears we have much to do. Send Ourrel to me. I will have him fetch Dorus. Probably it is better that he know as little of your role in this as possible.”

  “Thank you, my lord,” I replied, thinking of Dorus’ narrow dark eyes and the evil glance he had given Elissa and me when he had first seen us in Myalme. At the time I had worried merely that he had unwholesome designs on either or the both of us. Now I thought perhaps it was a dislike of the female sex that had made him look upon us so unfavorably.

  “And after you have done that, see if you can round up my daughter and that decorative but not very useful lady’s maid you suggested for her.” His eyes caught mine, and this time his expression was rueful and a bit amused. “We have a feast to prepare for.”

  “Yes, my lord,” I said, with a completely uncharacteristic meekness. Then I gave him a small curtsey and fled the chamber, all too aware of his keen gaze following me as I left the room. Still, I felt triumphant as I descended the stairs in search of Ourrel. If nothing else, at least this was one matter in which I had persuaded Lord Shaine to see my side. Perhaps, in time, I could make him see how wrong my presence here was, and how it would be better for him to free me.

  Now if only I could push away the pang of sadness that thought caused, for in my tenure here, I had grown attached to so many of them: Auren and Elissa, Merime, even the overly correct Ourrel and the enigmatic Lord Shaine. I guessed it was simply because I had spent more time here than almost any other location since the time I’d left the training house of the Order to make my way in the world. It was normal that I should form such attachments…which was why we were told never to stay more than a month or so in each place. Otherwise, we would feel overly responsible for our charges, and not have the strength of will to move on to wherever we were needed.

  At least, that was what I told myself.

  Chapter Five

  I never knew exactly what transpired between Dorus and Lord Shaine. But within an hour of my own conversation with his lordship, the steward had left the castle, taking with him a good riding horse from the stables and leaving behind a swirl of rumors and speculation. For my own part, I was merely glad that the furor of preparations f
or the evening’s festivities kept me safely away so there would be no possibility of crossing paths with the villain.

  Merime had the kitchens well enough in hand, and Ourrel stepped in to oversee the final decoration of the hall, but Elissa was definitely over-matched by the strong-willed Auren, who was none too happy to learn at such a late date that her future husband might be arriving in the next few hours.

  “What was Father thinking?” she fumed, leaning on her crutch as she watched Elissa pull a variety of gowns from the wardrobe. “Why now? Look at me!”

  I assumed she meant the crutch, which she still needed to help her get up the stairs or over the rougher patches in the gardens. Indoors she could do well enough without it, but I feared pointing out that fact would not meet with a particularly favorable reception at the moment.

  “Perhaps he was trying to be accommodating to the other families,” I suggested. “There could be snow any day now.”

  “How do you know?” she asked scornfully. “Can you smell it?”

  In fact, I almost could. Although I was hundreds of miles from my own homeland, I had done enough outdoor traveling through all seasons to feel the change in the air, to sense the shift in wind currents—indeed, Auren’s deprecating words notwithstanding—to smell the increasing dampness in the atmosphere.

  “What about this one?” Elissa asked, a note of desperation in her voice. She held up a lovely high-waisted gown of deep blue, its neckline and detachable sleeves covered in a twining pattern of leaves and flowers.

  “Blue makes me look sick,” Auren replied, her scowl deepening.

  I wondered why she had the dress at all, if she disliked the color so much, but now was not the time for argument. Giving a quick glance at the time-marker candle that burned steadily on the girl’s dresser, I saw we had little more than an hour to get her ready by the time Lord Shaine had specified.